Pain within

I'm not a nerd, I don't put all my focus into the books I'm given.
Especially if it's a text book.
I read for fun, novels about girls loving a boy.
About random things that In reality can't happen. Or I choose not
to believe in.

I'm sorry if I'm not an A student. I just have fun making friends.
That I forget that your mission for me is to be everything you never were
able to be.

I'm sorry that my custom isn't like yours
Cook and clean 24/7.
I'm sorry for liking to be lazy for being random and liking
to write what hurts me the most.
For drawing little things that I feel are cute.
For watching T.V when I'm bored

I blame myself for not being the women you are.
But I'm thankful for who I am and who I will become

Yes I know I won't become like you.
Because unlike you I want to be with my family (when I have one)
I want to be there for my daughter whenever she needs me.

I won't say you were the worst mother, because you were not
but I think you could of put effort into being my mom.
Maybe gave me a hug or even mention you were a little proud of me
and of what I have accomplished.

I wonder what I did wrong, or what I did to deserve a different treatment
from you. Is it that you don't love me?
Or do you just hate me for what you and my father had to go through...

I wonder and one day i hope I get all my answers...